- Kristi Michelle Schreiber after taking dog meds and seeing the nearest squirrel, probably.

Schreiber is a 42-year-old veterinarian in Dubuque, Iowa, who wrote prescriptions for non-existent dogs in order to obtain the controlled substance Tramadol.

As reported by KWWL today, she was "convicted of one count of acquiring a controlled substance by means of misrepresentation, fraud, deception, and subterfuge."

Between March 2019 to March 2021, Schreiber wrote 266 total prescriptions for animals that were in her care -- 186 of those prescriptions were for the pain killer, Tramadol.

Per the story from KWWL, "In March 2021, a pharmacy chain in Dubuque reported Schreiber’s diversion of tramadol to the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) Drug Control Division. The DEA conducted an inspection of the pet clinic at which Schreiber works and requested the files for some of the dogs for which Schreiber had written prescriptions, but Schreiber could not produce all the files."

She went on to claim that the prescriptions were for 'close friends' whose dogs were in need of the drug. She said she told these friends that she'd pick up the drug for them.

Following the investigation by the DEA, it was determined that Schreiber was taking the Tramadol herself.

According to justice.gov, "Tramadol is a Schedule IV controlled substance.  Tramadol is a centrally acting opioid analgesic used to treat moderate pain."

Per the American Kennel Club, "Tramadol is a medication that veterinarians commonly prescribe to manage pain in dogs, and it is one of the few human painkillers that is safe to administer to dogs."

Schreiber was released on bond pending the sentencing for the fake prescriptions. Following her conviction, she faces a maximum prison sentence of four years, a $250,000 fine, and one year of supervised release following her imprisonment.

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