You can hire an evil clown to stalk your child for a week before their birthday, and on that day, he will smash a cake into your child’s face.

**So, let me get this straight...you can't discipline your kid, but you can mentally torture them with evil clowns.  SIGN ME UP!  (By the way, I'm just kidding)  I guess it would be a Birthday that the kid will never forget.  Hopefully, by the time your kid is released from the mental ward, he/she will have successfully rid themselves of that nervous tick.