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Man Who Committed Sex Acts With Vegetables Going to Jail for Life

Charles Ransier
Comal County Jail

We can only imagine what this guy thinks about butternut squash.

Charles Ransier, of New Braunfels, Texas, has been sentenced to life behind bars for drug possession and tampering with evidence. That doesn’t really clue you in to what this guy is all about, though.

According to MySanAntonio:

A Comal County jury sentenced the 56-year-old New Braunfels man to life in prison Wednesday on charges of drug possession and tampering with evidence after a Texas state trooper found him sitting in his truck with melted candle wax on his bare chest and a collection of meth-filled syringes, male enhancement pills, lube, children’s clothing and a cooler of frozen cucumbers with him…

After Ransier was detained, troopers searched his pickup truck and found a mishmash of startling items: Barbie dolls, candy, children’s clothing, balloons, baby oil, Viagra, Extenze male enhancement pills, duct tape, rope and a cooler with frozen cucumbers inside.

What was he doing with a cooler of frozen cucumbers, in addition to that collection of random items? It’s probably best we don’t know, but we’re just going to assume he hadn’t recently cleaned out his house and planned to donate his excess stuff to Goodwill.

Ransier’s history with vegetables goes well beyond eating them to get big and strong. Back in 2012, police found him doing some X-rated things with a squash and in 2014 he was spotted getting sexual with an unidentified veggie while he wore only women’s stockings.

All we know is we feel really badly for the inmate who gets stuck sitting next to him in the cafeteria when broccoli is on the menu.

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